Stew's Golf Blog | Golf Humour -- Can't Beat Caddyshack

Golf Blog | CaddyshackNo sport seems to inspire humor as much as golf. Movies such as Caddyshack and Happy Gilmore are among the classics of comedy, while the number of golf jokes I’ve heard at the St. Marys Golf & Country Club and elsewhere is incalculable.

The pinnacle of golf humor though has got to be Caddyshack. Nearly thirty-five years after its release, the 1980 film starring Chevy Chase, Rodney Dangerfield, Bill Murray and Ted Knight is still funny no matter how many times you watch it.

For this month’s golf blog let’s revisit some of the greatest lines from Caddyshack:

*****

Carl Spackler (Bill Murray), while swinging a golf club in the flowerbeds: “Cinderella story. Outta nowhere. A former greenskeeper, now, about to become the Masters champion. It looks like a mirac... It's in the hole! It's in the hole! It's in the hole!” 

*****

Ty Webb (Chevy Chase): "Don't sell yourself short Judge, you're a tremendous slouch." 

*****

Spalding Smails: “I want a hamburger. No, cheeseburger. I want a hot dog. I want a milkshake. I want potato chips“

[gets cut off by Judge Smails]

Judge Smails (Ted Knight): “You’ll get nothing, and like it!”

*****

Carl Spackler: “I smell varmint poontang. And the only good varmint poontang is dead varmint poontang…I think.” 

*****

Al Czervik (Rodney Dangerfield): "Oh, this is the worst-looking hat I ever saw. What, when you buy a hat like this I bet you get a free bowl of soup, huh?”

[looks at Judge Smails, who’s wearing the same hat]

Al Czervik: “Oh, it looks good on you though." 

*****

Al Czervik: “Last time I saw a mouth like that, it had a hook in it.”

*****

Ty Webb: “There's a force in the universe that makes things happen. And all you have to do is get in touch with it, stop thinking, let things happen, and be the ball.” 

*****

Golf Blog | Caddyshack Bill MurraySandy, in his Scottish accent: “I want you to kill every gopher on the course!”

Carl Spackler: “Check me if I'm wrong Sandy, but if I kill all the golfers, they're gonna lock me up and throw away the key…”

Sandy: “Gophers, ya great git! The gophers! The little brown furry rodents!”

Carl Spackler: “We can do that; we don’t even have to have a reason.” 

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Judge Smails: "Danny, I'm having a party this weekend. How would you like to come over and mow my lawn?" 

*****

Al Czervik: “Oh, this is your wife, huh? A lovely lady. Hey baby, you must've been something before electricity.” 

*****

Carl Spackler: “So I jump ship in Hong Kong and I make my way over to Tibet, and I get on as a looper at a course over in the Himalayas.”

Angie D’Annunzio: “A looper?”

Carl Spackler: “A looper, you know, a caddy, a looper, a jock. So I tell 'em I'm a pro jock, and who do you think they give me? The Dalai Lama himself. The 12th son of the Lama. The flowing robes, the grace, bald... striking. So, I'm on the first tee with him. I give him the driver. He hauls off and whacks one—big hitter, the Lama—long, into a 10,000-foot crevasse right at the base of this glacier. Do you know what the Lama says? Gunga galunga... gunga, gunga-galunga. So we finish the 18th and he's gonna stiff me. And I say, 'Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know?' And he says, 'Oh, uh, there won't be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness.' So I got that goin' for me, which is nice.” 

*****

Judge Smails: “Ty, what did you shoot today?”

Ty Webb: “Oh, Judge, I don’t keep score.”

Judge Smails: “Then how do you measure yourself with other golfers?”

Ty Webb: “By height.”

*****

Carl Spackler: “To kill, you must know your enemy, and in this case my enemy is a varmint. And a varmint will never quit—ever. They're like the Viet Cong—Varmint Cong." 

*****

Golf Blog | Caddyshack Rodney DangerfieldCarl Spackler: “This is a hybrid. This is a cross, ah, of Bluegrass, Kentucky Bluegrass, Featherbed Bent, and Northern California Sensemilia. The amazing stuff about this is, that you can play 36 holes on it in the afternoon, take it home and just get stoned to the bejeezus belt that night on this stuff.” 

*****

Carl Spackler: “Your place got a pool?”

Ty Webb: "We have pond in the back. We have a pool and a pond. Pond’d be good for you." 

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Judge Smails: “I've sentenced boys younger than you to the gas chamber. Didn't want to do it. I felt I owed it to them."

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Ty Webb: “Don't be obsessed with your desires Danny. The Zen philosopher Basha once wrote, 'A flute with no holes, is not a flute. A donut with no hole, is a Danish.' He was a funny guy." 

*****

Dr. Beeper: “I thought you’d be the man to beat this year.”

Ty Webb: “I guess you’ll just have to keep beating yourself.”

*****

Ty Webb: “Remember Danny – Two wrongs don’t make a right, but three rights make a left.”

*****

Al Czervik: “I’ll be you a hundred bucks you slice it into the woods.”

Judge Smails: “Gambling is illegal at Bushwood sir, and I never slice.”

[swings club, slices ball into woods]

*****

Carl Spackler: “Bark like a dog.”

 


1 Comment

Meme
Meme

October 15, 2015

Good question. It must be down to the weitrr and the story. If it’s a story that needs the frame, and a weitrr that can make it work, go for it.Your prologue works, and hooks in the reader. I persevered with one for a long time, but had to be honest with myself. My story didn’t suit one, and my charachter hated it. It was only there to cover the fact that the first chapter sucked, and there was nothing in my prologue that couldn’t be revealed more naturally later on.Saying that, the manuscript does have a ‘sorta prologue’ there is a quick tease of something.So I reckon folks should just be honest with themselves and go with what works. Whatever that may be.

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